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Sesquipedalian #31

the SESQUIPEDALIAN 				       Volume V, No. 31
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Betty Picnic						   June 8, 1995


		      HISTORY OF THE WORLD PART II

	This brief history of Europe has been assembled by historian
Andere Benrikson from papers submitted by his former freshman classes
at the University of Alberta, MacMaster University and the University
of Toronto.  The spelling is as written.

	History as we know, is always biaz, because human beings, have
to be studied by other human beings, not by independant observers of
another species.
	During the Middle Ages, everybody was middle-aged.  Church and
state were co-operatic.  Middle Evil society was made up of monks,
lords, and surfs.  After a revival of infantil commerce slowly creeped
into Europe, merchants appeared.  They roamed from town to town
exposing themselves and organising big fairies in the countryside.
Mideval people were violent.  Murder during this period was nothing.
Everybody killed some-one.
	England fought numerously for land in France and ended up
winning and losing.  The Crusades were military expeditions made by
Christians seeking to free the 'Home Town' of Christ from the Islams.
	Finally, Europe fought the bubonic plague, a social disease in
the sense that it can be transmitted by intercourse and other
etceteras.  It was spread from port to port by inflected rats.  The
plague also helped the emergence of the English language as the
national language of England, France, and Italy.
	Then the renascance bolted in from the blue.  Life reeked with
joy.  Man was determined to civilise himself and his brothers, even if
heads had to fall.  It became sheik to be educated.
	The Reformation happened when German nobles resented the idea
of tithes enriching the Catholic coiffures.  An angry Martin Luther
nailed 55 theocrats to a church door.  Theologically, Luther was into
reorientation mutation.
	After the reformation, Louis XIV became King of the Sun.  If
he didn't like someone, he sent them to the gallows to row.
	The French revolution was accomplished before it happened.
The revolution evolved through anarchial, republican, and tolarian
phases until it catapulted into Napoleon.
	Great Britain, the U.S.A. and other European countrys had
demicratic leanings.  The old order could see the lid holding down new
ideas beginning to shake.  Among the goals of the Chartists were
universal sufferage and an anal parliament.  Voting was to be done by
ballad.
	A new time zone of national unification roared over the
horizon.  Nationalism aided Italy because nationalism is the growth of
an army.  Here, too, was the new Germany bold, vulgar, and full of
reality.  Culture fomented from Europe's tip to its top.  Other
contries had their own artists.  France had Chekov.
	World war I broke out around 1913-1914.  Germany was on one
side of France and Russia was on the other.  Peace was proclaimed at
Versigh, which was attended by George Loid, Primal Minister of
England.
	In 1927 Lenin revolted Russia.  Communism raged among the
peusants and the civil war 'team colors' were red and white.  Germany
was displaced after WWI.  This gave rise to Hitler.  Berlin became the
decadent capital where all sorts of sexual deprivations were
practised.  A huge anti-Semantic movement rose.  Germany invaded
Belgium, and Russia invaded everybody.
	War screeched to and end when a nukuleer explosion was dropped
on Heroshima.  A whole generation had been wiped out... and their
forlorne families were left to pick up the peaces.

		    ^/^/^/ TRUE LINGUISTICS \^\^\^

-- DATES IN THE MONTH OF MAY THAT ARE OF INTERESTS TO LINGUISTS:

May 2, 1919. Baudouin de Courtnay concedes defeat in his bid for the
	     presidency of Poland.
May 3, 1955. Mouton & Co. discover how American libraries order books
	     and scheme to cash in by starting several series of books
	     on limericks.  The person given charge of this project 
	     mishears and starts several series of books on
	     linguistics.  No one ever notices the mistake.
May 5, 1403. The Great English Vowel Shift begins.  Giles of Tottenham
	     calls for ale at his favourite pub and is perplexed when
	     the barmaid tells him that the fishmonger is next door.
May 6, 1939. The University of Chicago trades Leonard Bloomfield to
	     Yale University for two janitors and an undisclosed
	     number of concrete gargoyles.
May 7, 1966. r-less pronunciation is observed in eight kindergarten
	     pupils in Secaucus, NJ.  The governor of New Jersey
	     stations national guardsmen along the banks of the
	     Hudson.
May 9, 1917. N. Ja. Marr discovers ROSH, the missing link for Japhetic
	     unity.
May 11, 1032. Holy Roman Emperor Conrad II orders isoglosses erected
	      across northern Germany as a defense against Viking
	      intruders.
May 12, 1965. Sydney Lamb announces discovery of the hypersemantic
	      stratum, setting off a wave of selling on the NYSE.
May 13.       Vowel Day. (Public holiday in Kabardian Autonomous
	      Region.) The ceremonial vowel is pronounced by all
	      Kabardians as a symbol of brotherhood with all speakers
	      of human languages.
May 14, 519 BC. Birth of Panini.
May 15, 1964. J. Katz and J. Fodor are separated in 5-hour surgery
	      from which neither recovers.
May 17, 1966. J.R. 'Haj' Ross tells a clean joke.
May 18, 1941. Quang Phuc Dong is captured by the Japanese and interned
	      for the duration of hostilities.
May 19.       Dipthong Day. (Public holiday in Australia)
May 20, 473 BC. Publisher returns to Panini a manuscript entitled
     	        _Saptadhyayi_ with a note requesting the addition of a
	        chapter on phonology.  Panini begins struggling to
	        meet the publisher's deadline.
May 21, 1962. First mention of _Sound Pattern of English_ as 'in
	      press.'
May 23, 38,471 BC. God creates language.
May 26, 1945. Zellig Harris applies his newly formulated discovery
	      procedures and discovers [t].	
May 27, 1969. George Lakoff discovers the global rule.  Supermarkets
	      in Cambridge, Mass. are struck by frenzied buying of
	      canned goods.
May 29, 1962. Angular brackets are discovered.  Classes at MIT are
	      dismissed and much Latvian plum brandy is consumed.
May 30, 1939. Charles F. Hockett finishes composing the music for the
	      Linguistic Society of America's anthem, 'Can You Hear
	      the Difference?'
May 31, 1951. Chomsky discovers affix-hopping and is reprimanded by
	      his father for discovering rules on Shabas.

[Jim McCawley]

		    ^\^\^\ JOB ANNOUNCEMENTS /^/^/^

(REDUNDANCY NOTICE: For fuller listings of these and other jobs, don't
forget to check the Jobs binder in the Greenberg Room, and the file
'jobslist.txt' on the CSLI directory /user/linguistics.)

-- LILLE-III: The department of English at the University of Lille 3,
Lille, France, is urgently seeking to fill two one year full time
positions in English linguistics, pending final administrative
approval. Both positions start on October 1 1995. The first position
involves teaching English grammar and linguistics to French students
of English. The second position is more flexible, involving teaching
English phonetics and/or English grammar and linguistics to French
students of English.  Both positions are open at the following ranks:
- Mai^tre de conference associe' (= visiting lecturer)
(open to applicants holding a PhD and a lecturer/professor position in
their home university).
- Attache' temporaire d'enseignement et de recherche 
(open to applicants holding a PhD)
- Mai^tre de langue
(open to applicants preparing a PhD)
Knowledge of French is useful, but not indispensable.
The teaching load for all ranks is 6-7 hours a week, over two 14 week
semesters. Teaching starts in early October.
Contact Philip Miller, pmiller@ulb.ac.be, for further information.

-- US-PA-Pittsburgh Machine Translation Language Developer (French,
German, Spanish, Portuguese, Russian, or Italian), CMU: French
Technical Leader, Machine Translation Applications.  The CATALYST
project at the Center for Machine Translation, Carnegie Mellon
University, is seeking a talented and energetic individual for the
position of French Technical Leader.  CATALYST is a large-scale MT
application for commercial document delivery in the domain of heavy
machinery. Each Target Language Technical Leader is responsible for
the following tasks: Work with project leaders to define workplan and
schedule for target language module development, deployment and
maintenance; Supervise and participate in the development and
maintenance of each knowledge source for the application (lexicon,
grammar, interpretation rules, etc.); Integrate system knowledge
sources into a run-time delivery module; Participate actively in
requirements definition and QA; Maintain a responsive and professional
relationship with customer, personnel.  The successful applicant must
have the following qualifications: Native or near-native fluency in
French, M.S. in Computer/Information Science (or related field) or
equivalent experience, Strong programming skills in Lisp and Unix,
Experience communicating and working productively within a development
group, and experience in designing and implementing multi-module
software systems.  The following skills are also desirable: Coursework
in linguistics or computational linguistics, Experience in developing
machine translation software or other types of language processing
software, Experience with commercial software development and system
engineering, Fluency in German, Spanish, Portuguese, Russian, or
Italian; some familiarity with PERL, C++.  Occasional Travel Required.
Contact: Eric Nyberg				Phone: (412) 268-7281
  	 Center for Machine Translation		Fax:   (412) 268-6298
	 Carnegie Mellon University		EMail: ehn+@cs.cmu.edu
	 Pittsburgh, PA 15213
	 USA
Resumes and cover letters may be submitted via EMail, in ASCII or
Postscript form. Materials may also be submitted by fax, but EMail is
preferred.

-- NYU: The Department of Linguistics has recently received
authorization to hire a phonologist for a one-year visiting
appointment, preferably at the Assistant Professor level.  The
appointment would commence on September 1, 1995.  Duties would involve
teaching an introductory graduate-level and second semester graduate
level course in phonology, an undergraduate course in phonology, and
one other course.  Preference will be given to those with demonstrated
interest in the interaction of phonetics and phonology.  Interested
applicants should submit a letter of application, CV, names of three
references, and sample of work by June 19, 1995, to
	Phonology Search Committee
	Department of Linguistics
	719 Broadway, 5th floor
	New York University
	New York NY 10003
Any questions may be addressed to Mark R. Baltin, Chair
(baltin@acfcluster.nyu.edu).  NYU encourages applications from women
and minority groups.

-- Entrepreneurial American telecommunications firm in Morocco seeks
motivated individual for technical services in rapidly expanding
connectivity market.  Qualified candidates must know Internet, TCP/IP,
UNIX, Windows NT, cc:Mail, MS Mail and commercial e-mail providers.
French required.  Fax 1-2 page summary of resume to +212 7 674863.
Mail full copy to 
	DMSI
	P.O. Box 59334
	Potomac MD 20859-9334
	email: jblowenthal@mcimail.com
Position available July 1.  Must provide references with phone, fax,
and/or e-mail addresses.  

(REDUNDANCY NOTICE: For fuller listings of these and other jobs, don't
forget to check the Jobs binder in the Greenberg Room, and the file
'jobslist.txt' on the CSLI directory /user/linguistics.)

		        ^/^/^/ INSTA-PRIZE \^\^\^

CLOCK TALK: At 12:00 noon, the three hands of a clock with an hour,
minute, and second hand are exactly together.  Is there another time
before midnight that the three hands will be exactly together?

Solution to DESSERT ISLAND: 3,121.  This puzzle first appeared in the
Saturday Evening Post... in 1926!


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Close cover before striking

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