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Sesquipedalian #17
the SESQUIPEDALIAN Volume VI, No. 17
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Lupercalia February 15, 1995
DIHYDROGEN MONOXIDE: THE INVISIBLE KILLER
Dihydrogen monoxide is colorless, odorless, tasteless, and kills uncounted
thousands of people every year. Most of these deaths are caused by
accidental inhalation of DHMO, but the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide do not
end there. Prolonged exposure to its solid form causes severe tissue damage.
Symptoms of DHMO ingestion can include excessive sweating and urination, and
possibly a bloated feeling, nausea, vomiting and body electrolyte imbalance.
For those who have become dependent, DHMO withdrawal means certain death.
Dihydrogen monoxide:
* is also known as hydroxl acid, and is the major component of acid rain.
* contributes to the "greenhouse effect."
* may cause severe burns.
* contributes to the erosion of our natural landscape.
* accelerates corrosion and rusting of many metals.
* may cause electrical failures and decreased effectiveness of automobile
brakes.
* has been found in excised tumors of terminal cancer patients.
Contamination Is Reaching Epidemic Proportions!
Quantities of dihydrogen monoxide have been found in almost every stream,
lake, and reservoir in America today. But the pollution is global, and the
contaminant has even been found in Antarctic ice. DHMO has caused millions
of dollars of property damage in the midwest, and recently California.
Despite the danger, dihydrogen monoxide is often used:
* as an industrial solvent and coolant.
* in nuclear power plants.
* in the production of styrofoam.
* as a fire retardant.
* in many forms of cruel animal research.
* in the distribution of pesticides. Even after washing, produce remains
contaminated by this chemical.
* as an additive in certain "junk-foods" and other food products.
Companies dump waste DHMO into rivers and the ocean, and nothing can be done
to stop them because this practice is still legal. The impact on wildlife is
extreme, and we cannot afford to ignore it any longer!
The Horror Must Be Stopped!
The American government has refused to ban the production, distribution, or
use of this damaging chemical due to its "importance to the economic health
of this nation." In fact, the navy and other military organizations are
conducting experiments with DHMO, and designing multi-billion dollar devices
to control and utilize it during warfare situations. Hundreds of military
research facilities receive tons of it through a highly sophisticated
underground distribution network. Many store large quantities for later use.
It's Not Too Late!
Act NOW to prevent further contamination. Find out more about this dangerous
chemical. What you don't know can hurt you and others throughout the world.
[Bryan Roberts]
-\-/-\ LINGUISTICS COLLOQUIUM \-/-\-
-- NO COLLOQUIUM THIS WEEK: The colloq series resumes NEXT WEEK
(February 23) with Jane Grimshaw.
-\-/-\ FELLOWSHIPS/ASSISTANTSHIPS \-/-\-
-- UNIVERSITY OF WYOMING: The following graduate assistantship is
available for research in artificial intelligence for a qualified
student admitted to the Masters or Ph.D. program at the University of
Wyoming department of Computer Science. Knowledge-Based Legal
Document Planning. The object of this project is to formalize the
legal, institutional, and pragmatic knowledge used in drafting legal
documents and to incorporate this knowledge into decision-support
tools. Goals include application of discourse planning techniques and
models of argumentation to the selection and configuration of textual
elements, techniques for document indexing and reuse, and integration
of document planning systems with GIS and other databases.
Qualifications include background in law or linguistics, strong
programming skills, and good analytic ability. Other graduate
research assistantships are available at the University of Wyoming
department of Computer Science for projects in artificial intelligence
and distributed computing for qualified students admitted to the
graduate program. For additional information, please contact
Karl Branting
Department of Computer Science Internet: karl@index.uwyo.edu
University of Wyoming Tel: (307) 766-4258
P.O. Box 3682 FAX: (307) 766-4036
Laramie, WY 82071, USA URL: http://ai.uwyo.edu/~karl
-- UNIVERSITY OF AMSTERDAM: The Research Centre for Mathematics and
Computer Science (CWI) in Amsterdam, in collaboration with the
University of Amsterdam, has a vacancy for a postdoc in the area of
Dynamic Logic and Automatic Theorem Proving, to work on a SION project
aiming at the (further) development of a dynamic logic perspective on
the AI themes of Knowledge Representation, Knowledge Growth, and
Knowledge Revision, and at the development of automatic theorem
proving tools for dynamic logics to be applied in the AI area of
Knowledge Representation. The project will take its starting point
from an algebraic modal perspective on dynamic logic, and will use
proof theory for modal and dynamic logics to develop automatic theorem
proving tools. The theoretical framework will be tested by applying
the theorem proving tools to problems of knowledge representation and
knowledge base maintenance. The project will start as soon as
possible, and will have a duration of two years, with no possibilities
for extension. Ideally, applicants should not be over 30 at the time
when they start working for this project (this requirement is imposed
by the funding agency, SION). The person we are looking for is
familiar with recent theoretical work in modal and dynamic logic, has
experience with automatic theorem proving, and is motivated to bridge
the gap between theory and application or implementation. The project
will be supervised by Johan van Benthem (University of Amsterdam) and
Jan van Eijck (CWI).
Requests for further information to: jve@cwi.nl
Send your applications with CV to Jan van Eijck (jve@cwi.nl)
before March 1, 1996.
-\-/-\ CALL FOR PAPERS \-/-\-
-- WECOL-96: Western Conference on Linguistics, October 25-27, UCSC.
Abstracts are invited for 20-minute talks in all areas of linguistics.
Abstracts must be received by MAY 1, 1996. Abstracts should fit on
one page with margins of at least 1 inch using a typeface no smaller
than 11 point. An additional page with examples and references may be
appended. Please provide 6 anonymous copies of the abstract and 1
copy of with the author's name and affiliation. A seperate index card
should contain the following information: title of paper, appropriate
subfield, author's name, affiliation, address, telephone number
(optional), e-mail address (optional). Send abstracts to
WECOL
c/o Linguistics Research Center
Stevenson college
UCSC
Santa Cruz, CA 94064
email: wecol@ling.ucsc.edu
http://ling.ucsc.edu/~wecol/
-\-/-\ TRUE LINGUISTICS \-/-\-
NOTE: SERIOUS MESSAGE! The following REAL traveller's advisory was
forwarded to the Sesquipeditors:
"The following advisory is being provided for.. the security of
Laptop Computers during travel.
1. The following information is valid not only for laptops but
also for other items of value such as briefcases while you are
in domestic or international travel status:
"Laptop computers have become a premium target for theft
throughout Europe. Every international traveler who is
anticipating on carrying a laptop computer with them must
remain on constant alert as they traverse through all
airports.
Two methods of theft have already occurred at separate
airports and the techniques that were used to steal the
laptop computers can occur at any airport. Both methods
involved two thieves to carry out the theft.
Recently, Brussels Airport security advised that one method
involved the use of security x-ray machines. The first
thief would precede the traveler through the security check
point and then loiter around the area where the carry-on
luggage had already been examined. When the traveler places
his laptop computer onto the conveyer belt of the x-ray
machine, the second thief would step in front of the
traveler and set off the metal detector. While the traveler
was being delayed, the first thief would remove the
traveler's laptop computer from the conveyer belt just after
it had gone through the x-ray machine and quickly disappear.
The most recent method of theft just occurred at the
Frankfurt International Airport, Germany, while the traveler
was walking around a crowd of people in the airport
terminal. The traveler, who was carrying his laptop
computer on his rollbag, was preceded by the first thief.
Just as the traveler got around the crowd of people, the
first thief stopped abruptly, causing the traveler to stop
abruptly. When they stopped momentarily, a second thief,
who had been following just behind them, quickly removed the
traveler's laptop computer from his rollbag and disappeared
in the crowd."
2. All travelers, both international and domestic, are urged to
be alert to the above methods used in stealing computers and
always be mindful of any abrupt diversions during your travels.
Report any losses immediately to authorities. Keep serial
numbers, make, and model information of your laptop computers, or
of any items of value, separate from the item so you can give
precise information to authorities if the items are stolen.
3. Request widest dissemination of this correspondence."
-\-/-\ JOB ANNOUNCEMENTS \-/-\-
(REDUNDANCY NOTICE: For fuller listings of these and other jobs, don't
forget to check the Jobs binder in the Greenberg Room, and the file
'jobslist.txt' on the CSLI directory /user/linguistics.)
-- RRI: Fergus Craik has funding for a Postdoctoral Research
Fellowship starting in September 1996. This is a two-year position
and it is open to applicants with a PhD. A stipend of $35,000
Canadian is offered, plus an allowance of $1500 for travel and
research expenses. The research will focus on cognitive functioning
in older adults, and the research fellow will work with Dr. Craik and
other scientists and research fellows engaged in similar research.
The funds come from an NIA grant held in collaboration with Dr. Larry
Jacoby, and part of the project involves the application of ideas of
automaticity and control to problems of cognitive aging. The position
is located in the Rotman Research Institute of Baycrest Center --
approximately 25 min. from downtown Toronto and from the University of
Toronto, to which it is affiliated. Fuller details of the position
and of the Rotman Institute are available by writing or emailing
Dr. Craik. In accordance with Canadian immigration policy, this
advertisement is directed in the first instance to citizens and landed
immigrants of Canada. Others may apply at this time and will be
considered if no suitable Canadian candidate can be identified. To
apply, please submit a CV (hard copy) and arrange for at least two
letters of reference to be sent to
Dr. Fergus Craik
Dept. Psychology
University of Toronto
Toronto, Ont. M5S 3G3
Canada
Phone: (416)-978-7815: FAX (416)-978-4811
email: craik@psych.toronto.edu
(REDUNDANCY NOTICE: For fuller listings of these and other jobs, don't
forget to check the Jobs binder in the Greenberg Room, and the file
'jobslist.txt' on the CSLI directory /user/linguistics.)
-\-/-\ INSTA-PRIZE \-/-\-
-- Follow the letters up, down, or diagonally to reveal this quote from the Roman writer Seneca (4 b.c.-65 a.d.):
W T H H A T I
I H I W R A H
N E N V E E V
O P E K O S A
E L U D N E I
P B M Y V I D
(Hint: start at the W in the upper left corner. Yes, the quote is in
English.)
-- Solution to JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS: I always avoid kangaroos.
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-\-/-\ CONSERVE DISK SPACE \-/-\-
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