How to procrastinate like an English major…

Hello English majors!

I just wanted to check in on all of you guys at this stressful point of the quarter, and make sure everyone’s taking care of themselves. We’re kind of a lucky bunch, we English majors. Our final exams involve us having to re-read great poetry and novels. What a DRAG. But still, exams are rough. We need study breaks. So, dear friends, I invite you to turn to some of my preferred and time-tested literary-themed procrastination devices:

1. English Major Armadillo. If you have never seen this site, you have been missing out so much, my English major friend. This site reads my soul.

This may actually be my default response for getting out of any potentially awkward social interaction.

This would have probably been a reality, but I decided not to engage, because I remembered my 7th grade attempt at literary criticism of a movie trilogy, and felt burning shame. (This summer, I found over 60 pages of hand-written scene-by-scene notes comparing Star Wars (the original trilogy) to The Aeneid, complete with marginalia filled with derisive comments about how poorly written the script was and with prescient lamentations about Hayden Christensen’s acting in Episodes II-III.)

… I laughed.

I can’t… This is too real.

2. Literary-themed online shopping.

-          If you don’t already know about Out of Print Clothing, you’re also behind the times. Want your favourite book cover on a piece of clothing (or an iPhone case or a journal or a tote bag or a …coaster set?)? Yeah, these people have your back. I am the proud owner of a Gatsby shirt, sweatshirt, and two bags. Sometimes, I declare Fitzgerald Fridays, and I wear them all at the same time. I also own half of the rest of the site.

-          One of my friends just turned me on to this site, which is kind of similar. I can’t decide what to do with myself. I couldn’t talk for a straight two minutes after I saw this. They also have shirts, apparently. Dying.

-          Well, this exists… so you might as well order it… (I’ve already ordered three. You can never be too prepared when it comes to Blake-themed waterproof temporary tattoos.)

3. Spend some quality time looking at writers in bathing suits. I can’t remember how I found this article originally, but now it’s embarrassingly bookmarked in my Google Chrome.. So…. there’s that.

4. Divest the English Department of all of their books (and take photographic evidence with Instagram). From time to time, some good soul leaves their old, unwanted books for us to go through on the benches of the second floor. It kind of feels like sanctioned stealing…

This is only my fourth copy of Gatsby.

5. Register for the GRE. It’s never too early to start preparing for your graduate school applications. On a whim, I decided to take it on December 31st. At 8:30AM (???). Wish me luck (waking up that early)!

6. Admit you actually liked Old Man and the Sea, after having railed against Hemingway since you read A Farewell to Arms.

7. Contemplate ordering a copy of a romance novel in which you are the main character. (There are two trailers. Watch both of them.)

8. This…

9. Die laughing… If you haven’t seen this site, you need to. Here are some highlights.

I died....


For my friends taking Literary History I...


Oh, Hitler. Always keeping it classy.

I think a more accurate title would be "How I met MY mother..."

He's so CUTE! Why is Keats so cute?!?!??!? WHY!?

Maybe my favourite..

Good luck on finals!
Love, Sarah

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>