FOR SALE THIS HOLIDAY SEASON
BUY A U$C DIPLOMA
FOR YOURSELF OR A LOVED ONE
<3 EACH DIPLOMA IS CUSTOM MADE WITH LOVE <3
IT WILL LOOK SOMETHING LIKE THIS
WE WILL MAIL YOUR DIPLOMA TO U. WE ACCEPT ALL MAJOR CREDIT CARDS. THX PAYPAL
If you’re reading this, you’re probably not worthy of being an actual member of the Spirit of Troy.
Not to worry though!
You can still imagine yourself as a member by owning
AN OFFICIAL AUTHENTIC USED RECORDER
once played by the VERY SAME ARTISTS who recorded the two GLORIOUS pieces above.
Now you can play along while watching the games on TV
Or bring your recorder into the stadium to surprise and delight everyone around you!
Now for only $5000.00!
The University of Southern California Trojan Marching Band, aka the Spirit of Troy, aka THE GREATEST MARCHING BAND IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE, is, as you probably know, the greatest marching band in the history of the universe. You know what, I take that back - they are the greatest ANYTHING in the history of the universe. On the scale of things, it goes 1) The Spirit of Troy, 2) Tostitos Scoops Tortilla Chips, 3) the wheel, 4) Michael Jackson’s Thriller, and then everything else. That’s how special they are. Most people don’t know this, but every other marching band in history has been a direct (and unsuccessful) copy of them.
The Spirit of Troy was founded in the year 1776 as the musical contingent of the Continental Army under the command of the brilliant Benedict Arnold (note: they would later switch back to the American side after Benedict Arnold switched sides because they realized than when you switch sides people get mad and call you not-very-nice names). They were instrumental to the American victory at the Battle of Bunker Hill, in that they had instruments and were present and played sometimes in the background even though it was admittedly difficult to hear them over the sounds of gunfire and human suffering.
Since then, the Spirit of Troy has been the singular face of liberty, justice, and the Trojan way by playing their two noble songs at full blast and in soundwaves at times only audible to hounds. Few are the moments when the Spirit of Troy cannot be found rehearsing these immortal tunes over, and over, and over, seeking the perfect performance. Legend tells that, when this is achieved, the heavens will unlock and all evil shall be washed from the Earth, as God himself holds forth his middle and index fingers and bellows a mighty, “FIGHT ON!”
The Spirit of Troy is credited with the discovery of the polio vaccine, carbon nanotubes, and the steam engine.
While most people believe the California Gold Rush of 1849 was a result of the discovery of gold at Sutter’s Mill, the real reason was a free concert in Sacramento by the Spirit of Troy.
The Spirit of Troy was partially responsible for the successful landing of US Airways Flight 1549 during “the Miracle on the Hudson.” The Band, which had been performing an underwater benefit concert in the river at the time, noticed the descending plane and, by playing directly upwards, created a cushion that allowed the Airbus to land safely. You can learn more about these efforts in the upcoming film Sully starring Tom Hanks, and you can watch the trailer here.
General Ulysses S. Grant played trombone in the Spirit of Troy, and the Band personally played him a sweet lullaby every night during his Presidency.
Like a Supreme Court Justice, the Drum Major of the Spirit of Troy serves for life. The current Drum Major was born in 1939 and took the position in 1965. Still kickin’!
thx 4 visiting <3
<-- send us email! firstname.lastname@example.org
disclaimer: we are not the spirit of troy, we are just HUUUGE fans