Some Reader's Digest Sleep Humor

AS A 79-YEAR-OLD PARTICIPANT in the Elderhostel program, I attended college for one week during the summer. At a get-acquainted party at the beginning of one session, we were asked to tell what we liked best about Elderhostel. Some said it was the interesting subjects we were taking; others commented it was the nice people they were meeting. "What I like best," said one fellow who was there with his wife, "is that I get to sleep with a beautiful coed every night."

--Contributed to "Campus Comedy" by Teresa Masterson Miller

MY SON, Richard, who enjoys staying up late and sleeping in the morning, was pleased that his college classes started near noon. Unfortunately, he said, his roommate had early classes, so the alarm clock woke him anyway. "What's early?" asked my husband, who catches the first commuter train before dawn. "Seven-thirty," Richard replied. "That's late," insisted his father. "Four-thirty is early." "No," replied our night owl, "that's late."

--Contributed to "Campus Comedy" by Rebecca Delesissegues

ALEX, MY ROOMMATE, was well-known for cutting class. One day, a classmate and I returned from our morning lectures to find that Alex had slept through his first three subjects. "Hey, Alex," I said, waking him up, "you've just missed your morning classes. Do you have any others?" He yawned as he rolled over to go back to sleep. "No," he said. "I'm done for the day."

--Contributed to "Campus Comedy" by Scott Braun

I STAYED UP most of the night studying for an exam and was really dragging the next morning. In my first class, trigonometry, I fought the urge to close my eyes for as long as possible but finally fell into a deep sleep. The next thing I knew, I heard the instructor speaking: "All right, whoever it is -- wake up! I certainly don't appreciate snoring in class! Now who was it?" As I lifted my hand to admit my guilt, I glanced around, expecting to see my classmates giggling. Instead, I was relieved to see six other guilty hands already in the air.

--Contributed to "Campus Comedy" by Robert Sharkey

JEFF AND I rarely got to say much more than "hello" and "good-by" to each other, because at 5 p.m., when I was leaving the graphics company for the day, he was just arriving. A while ago, I flung a quick "Hi, Jeff," over my shoulder as I spotted him at his post. He shook his head, looked at me wistfully and replied, "It's a shame we're just two shifts passing in the night."

--Contributed to "All In a Day's Work" by Lynne Guitar

OUR BACHELOR NEIGHBOR was shipping some household goods from his parents' home in Connecticut to Texas. The moving van would arrive ahead of him, so my wife agreed to open up his house. At 4:30 a.m. on the scheduled day, our phone rang. The trucker was outside Houston and needed specific directions. My wife talked to him briefly and crawled back into bed. "You gave that poor man such a roundabout route that it'll take him an extra hour to get here!" I exclaimed. "I know," my wife said. "Turn off the light."

--Contributed to "Life In These United States" by Bob Smith

I HAD ALWAYS prided myself on being an "on time" person. One morning I overslept and rushed around getting ready for Sunday school. As I ran out the door, my husband tried to say something. "What?" I called back. "Don't slow me down. I'm late." "No you're not," he responded. "It's Saturday."

--Contributed to "Life In These United States" by Rosetta Cales

ONE WINTRY SUNDAY MORNING, my husband and I were luxuriating in our cozy bed. "Let's get the Sunday paper and read it here!" I suggested. He yawned lazily. "Okay," he responded. "But which one of us is `Let's'?"

--Contributed to "Life In These United States" by Ada C. Dalby

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