That old man is going to DIE!!!! I can’t BELIEVE what he sent us into…and for a CUP!!! It wasn’t even SHINEY!!!! Grrr…I am SO mad right now I could cheerfully splatter that parrot and his dusty old owner all over the walls!

Anyway, I suppose I should start at the beginning…I was flying over the city as usual, keeping an eye out for Fi after that LAST escapade of hers, when she went into a little garden that I’d been to a couple of times before. Since she was with Snowfall, or whatever his name is, and his thing is DEFINITLY not parks, I decided to land and see what was up.

I think they were there to meet someone that Fi had just gotten a job with. A nice lady named after a tree…Beech or something like that? Anyway, she seemed nice enough…I couldn’t tell what she was though, normally I can tell the changing breeds fairly quickly and I don’t THINK she’s a mage, but she certainly isn’t normal. So, I was just getting to the bottom of this when this laughing came from a tree nearby! I went over to investigate and what do I say about that nasty parrot, you know the one that is going to be a big bloody lump if I have anything to say about it?

Okay, so this stupid bird started talking about how the old dusty dude wanted me to do one of his bloody tasks. Something about a house that the feds were interested in ‘cause they thought it was haunted. Since when do the feds get interested in hauntings?!?!? What do they think this is, the bloody X-files?!?! The stupid featherduster told me that I was supposed to get this stupid cup out of the house before the feds got there…as IF I didn’t have better things to do with my time!

Well, this sounded like a piece of cake, after all who can’t manage to outwit the feds on even a bad day?!?! Everyone else insisted on tagging along, despite my OBVIOUSLY needing no help, but I let them come so that they could watch me in action!!!! When we got there everyone was just sort of standing if front of the place, loitering…typical behavior for THIS bunch…honestly if I weren’t around they’d be wyrm meat so fast it would make their heads spin!!! I opened the door with my secret Super ninja raven girl powers, and we went inside. Weird little house, who keeps a jukebox in their living room?!?! Especially since they didn’t even have it plugged in!

Okay, so I finally got them all inside instead of lurking outside screaming, "Oh arrest me now!!!" at the feds, and we headed upstairs since the mangy ball of feathers had told us the cup was in the attic. When we started up the stairs the typical haunting tricks started…you know, cold spots, smells of rotting, jukebox started playing itself…it was totally boring...I think ghosts must like, have no originality at all!!!

Anyway, when we got upstairs there was this door that was open with some smashed equipment outside it. When I, brave super ninja raven girl that I am, opened it I saw a man pinned to the wall with a tripod. He’d been stabbed with a bunch of knives and his head had been chopped open by a meat cleaver…it made me a little hungry but there were more important things…like watching for danger while everyone else was losing their lunch!!!

Sooooo…I needed to find out what killed him, (well, actually it was obvious what killed him..most people don’t do very well with their brains running down the back of their heads!) so I took the deep draught and discovered that it was flying knives that killed him. At least these ghosts were a LITTLE original!!! After finding out that someone was playing casper the homicidal ghost around the place we headed for the attic again…I was investigating the stars to the attic when Fiona started screaming about a doll being alive. Snoballed and Birch were investigating that so I tried to open the door when this huge saw blade came through it!!! Now I may be super ninja raven girl, but I don’t fight flying powertools with nobody behind them!!!!

Well, I was missing all the fun down stairs so I hurried over to where Snowblast and Fi were fighting…you’ll never believe this, BARBIE BITCHES FROM BEYOND!!!!!! First the dream couple on their dream corvette…both garbed in fetchingly bloodstained wedding clothes attacked Fi, but I punted them into next week. I was PISSED. I stepped sideways to see if I could kick some ghost butt over there but unfortunately I can’t get into the part of the umbra that they inhabit…otherwise the ectoplasm would be flying!!! Fi had had a bad enough week as it was!!! Anyway, the house had a VERY strong presence in the umbra, I was able to go up into the attic, but after seeing just how many wood working tools were up there I figured that I’d be a raven pincushion before I could get the cup out…I’m fast and GOOD but a bloody master mage couldn’t’ have done it!!!

So frustrated that I could really kick some Barbie ass, I went back to where they were to find out that the plastic bimbos had gotten guns and a shotgun when I was gone. After about 5 minutes of trying to get the silly mage to tell me where they were he finally did and I stepped sideways up behind the bloody dolls and gave them a flying lesson they’ll never forget and picked up the damn shotgun…watch out world..the raven girl has a gun!

One of the plastic bimbos tried to get me to come over to a room where there were mysterious thumpings coming from. Being the smart raven I am I flew past in rara avis and with a amazing show of dexterity and skill I dodged about 5 gun shots and a blast from an elephant gun…those barbies are TOAST if I ever catch them again…like to see how they’d like a blowtorch taken to their bloody dream mansion!

Anyway, to make a long story short, we got out of there after dodging flying knives, elephant guns and assorted evil plastic bimbos…including the master mind…a skipper doll!!! We delievered the cup to the old fart at the antique shop and he told us the damn parrot FORGOT to tell us that we were safe for up to two hours in that damn house, no matter what we did or didn’t do. That damn parrot is going to be lucky if there’s even a small smear to mark his passing when I get a hold of him!!! Then the damn Skipper doll came flouncing out of the back room. I booted the slut into next week and stormed out

The Parrot must DIE!!!!

Morganna