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Sesquipedalian #12, January 6, 1994

The SESQUIPEDALIAN WEEKLY HERALD		       Volume IV, Number 12
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						       January 6, 1994

Sequacious and inevitable, like the proverbial bad penny, the new
issue of the Quip arrives to start the quarter.  Many students are
beginning preparations for the defense right now, so for them we
provide this handy list of twenty-eight thesis DON'Ts:

			  Top 28 Thesis DON'Ts
		       (Submitted by Jules Cisek)
1) Rearrange the chairs into a peace symbol.
2) Refer to yourself in the third person, like Caesar did.
3) Mention your professor as 'my helper.'
4) Say that you'd like to thank a few people.  Pull out the white
   pages.
5) Advertise it as 'pot luck.'
6) Talk in Klingonese.
7) Dress like your favourite character from Star Trek.
8) Ask imaginary helpers to change transparencies; fly off the handle
   when they don't.
9) Wear a trenchcoat.  And nothing else.
10) Dress in Wild West style.
11) Dress in scuba gear.  Use the oxygen tank.
12) Wear a swimsuit from the opposite sex.
13) Preface with the story of your life.
14) Have bodyguards on your sides as you talk.  The bigger, the better.
    Have a questioner thrown out as 'an example.'
15) Have someone wheel in a big cake with you in it.  Jump out and
    begin.
16) Perform your defense as a Greek tragedy, and kill yourself
    offstage when you're done.
17) Halfway through, break down.  Go to your professor, curl up on his
    or her lap, and call him or her 'Mommy.'  Suck your thumb.
18) Suddenly develop Turret's Syndrome.
19) Suddenly develop the China Syndrome.
20) Say, 'This defense has been sponsored by the fine people at (your
    favourite corporation)...'
21) Secede from the US.  Give yourself political asylum.
22) Talk in Canadian-- say 'eh' after every sentence.
23) When a professor asks you a question, argue with your imaginary
    twin over the final answer.
24) Videotape it ahead of time, and get someone to set it up to show.
    Come in the back and sit there.  When your tape is done, ask for 
    questions.
25) Have every person pick a CB handle.  Enforce their usage.  Talk in
    CB lingo.  End every statement with 'good buddy.'  End every 
    question with 'over.'
26) Provide party favours.  Noisy ones.
27) Frequently ask if anyone has to go to the potty.
28) Mention that you have to hurry because TV show xxx is on in 15
    minutes.

                    -\-\-\ LOOK WHO'S TALKING /-/-/-

This week in Look Who's Talking: You are!  Don't forget to say hi to a
couple of new faces around the department:

ALEX LASCARIDES (University of Edinburgh) will be here through this
academic year as Acting Assistant Professor.  This quarter she is
teaching Introduction to Semantics and Pragmatics (L130).

DELPHINE BERTHET (University of Paris VII) is a visiting student in
computational linguistics, and will be here for the next two quarters.

		 -\-\-\ LINGUISTICS COLLOQUIUM /-/-/-

No colloquium this week due to the LSA meeting in Boston.  We can all
breathe a little easier...

 	            -\-\-\ CALL FOR PAPERS /-/-/-

-- Workshop on 'Cognitive Models of Language Acquisition' (April
21-23, 1994.  Tilburg University, The Netherlands) The workshop is
centered around two basic questions with respect to the nature and
origins of language as "an individual phenomenon": (1) What
constitutes knowledge of language?  (2) How is knowledge of language
acquired?  Currently, these questions are being addressed within
different cognitive models of language acquisition which derive from
strongly contrasting research paradigms. The paradigms start from
fundamentally different assumptions about language (symbolic or
subsymbolic) and the mechanisms that drive the process of language
acquisition (inductive or deductive).  The workshop will focus on
processes of language acquisition in children and adults and on
modelling theses processes. In particular, the acquisition and
representation of words will be a central topic. The workshop aims to
bring together researchers willing to discuss the merits and
constraints of the various models based on the interdisciplinary
approaches of linguistics, psychology, cognitive science, NLP, and AI.
We invite those interested to submit a two-page abstract (for a 30
minute oral presentation) by January 15, 1994. We would prefer to 
receive the abstracts by e-mail. 
The organizers can be contacted at the following addresses:
Peter Broeder                      Jaap Murre
Department of Linguistics          Medical Research Council
University of Tilburg              Applied Psychology Unit
P.O. Box 90153                     15 Chaucer Road
5000 LE Tilburg                    Cambridge CB2 2EF
The Netherlands                    United Kingdom
tel:    +31 13-662239              tel:    +44 223 355294
fax:    +31 13-663110              fax:    +44 223 359062
e-mail: peter.broeder@kub.nl       e-mail: jaap.murre@mrc-apu.cam.ac.apu

-- KANSAS WORKING PAPERS IN LINGUISTICS: The editors of Kansas Working
Papers in Linguistics will produce two numbers of Volume 19, 1994.  We
welcome submissions of papers on all topics in the field of
linguistics and closely related disciplines for Number 1.  Papers
dealing with native languages of the Americas will be selected for
Number 2.  Since we are a working paper, publication in KWPL does not
preclude later publications elsewhere of revised versions of papers.
Submissions should be in good readable form (1.5 or double-spaced),
not necessarily final copies.  Student papers are encouraged.  Please
send papers or inquiries to
	Editors, KWPL
	Linguistics Department
	427 Blake Hall
	University of Kansas
	Lawrence KS 66045
	email: LGSA@ukansvm.cc.edu

-- ICCL-III: Third International Conference on Chinese Linguistics
(City Polytechnic of Hong Kong, July 14-17 1994).  Papers on all
aspects relevant to Chinese linguistics welcome.  Special themes: (1)
Diachrony and Evolution, (2) Pedagogy.  Abstracts should be
typewritten and not more than one page.  Two copies required, one with
the author's full name, institution, address and fax number, the other
without.  Deadline: February 6, 1994.  Enquire to
	Conference Secretary (ICCL-3)
	Language Information Sciences Research Centre
	City Polytechnic of Hong Kong
	Tat Chee Avenue, Kowloon
	Hong Kong
	phone: 852/788-9089
	fax: 852/788-9443
	email: rorclis@cphkvx.cphk.hk

 	            -\-\-\ WORD OF THE WEEK /-/-/-

A concerned linguist writes: 'For the word of the week some week, you
might consider the word "sequacious."  It means, "following in logical
sequence and regularity," and therefore ought to be much more
frequently used in modern life than it is.'

               -\-\-\ FELLOWSHIPS/ASSISTANTSHIPS /-/-/-

-- CHICANO FELLOWS PROGRAM GRADUATE FELLOWSHIP FOR 1994-95: The
Chicano/a Fellows Program (CFP) will award two graduate fellowships
for the 1994-95 academic year.  The aim is to increase the number of
university and college professors prepared to offer Chicano related
courses.  Under the supervision and mentorship of our visiting
scholar, and the Director, Professor Ramon Saldivar, the graduate
fellows will TA for the Chicano Life and Culture class and possibly
teach one course during the 94-95 academic year.  In addition to the
course work, Fellows are expected to organize the annual programs to
enhance cultural awareness to the Stanford and surrounding
communities.  Fellows will also have use of the Chicano Fellows Prgram
Office for a year and nine units of tuition each quarter.
Applications can be secured at the office of the Chicano/a Fellows
Program, 590 Old Union, Rm. L.  Please call Claudia M. Carrillo,
Program Administrator of the CFP, at 3-3091 or Ramon Saldivar at
5-1213 if you have any questions.  The application deadline is 5:00
pm, February 15, 1994.  Announcement of the awards will be made in
April 1994.

		     -\-\-\ TRUE LINGUISTS /-/-/-

>From 'Wired' Magazine:
	'...Long ago, I discovered the best way to find a good ethnic
restaurant in a strange city is to call the linguistics department at
the closest university (such departments being notorious havens for
ethnic foodies).'

		   -\-\-\ JOB ANNOUNCEMENTS /-/-/-

(REDUNDANCY NOTICE: For fuller listings of these and other jobs, don't
forget to check the Jobs binder in the Greenberg Room, and the file
'jobslist.txt' on the CSLI directory /user/linguistics.)

-- COGNITIVE NEUROPSYCHOLOGY.  Dartmouth College has a two-year
postdoctoral fellowship in Cognitive Neuropsychology.  The training
and research program integrates the study of normal cognition with the
investigation of cognitive impairments resulting from neuropathology.
The reserch emphasized in the training program looks toward the
development of a functional description of the brain, both by
articulating explicit models of cognitive functions on the basis of
patterns of impairment, and by exploring relationships of cgonitive
processes to brain systems.  Research opportunities are principally in
the areas of language, perception and attention.  The program also
provides for exposure to computational modeling.  Individuals with
training in cognitive psychology, biopsychology, cognitive science,
neuroscience, or artificial intelligence, as well as those with
training in cognitive neuropsychology, are encouraged to apply.  To
apply, send vita, representative publications, three letters of
recommendation, and a statement of research interests to 
	Alfonso Caramazza
	Cognitive Neuropsychology Laboratory
	Dartmouth College
	Hinman 6162
	Hanover NH 03751
Screening will begin February 1, 1994 and continue until the postion
is filled.  Dartmouth College is an Equal Opportunity/Affirmative
Action Employer.

-- UNIVERSITY OF GOTEBORG, Department of Linguistics announces a
position as Professor of Computational Linguistics (ref no E 311
xxx/93).  Applications are invited for a professorship (chair) in
computational linguistics at the Department of Linguistics, University
of Goteborg.  The department provides an active internationally
oriented research environment. The research is oriented mainly towards
semantics, pragmatics and spoken language. The successful candidate
will be expected to pursue his/her own research as well as to teach
courses, mainly on the graduate level, provide Ph D thesis work
guidance and to take an active interest in obtaining and pursuing
externally funded research projects.  Candidates should have proven
ability for independent research, teaching experience and preferably
experience in leading research projects.  Applications should be made
in writing and should contain the following items: 1) Short account of
scientific accomplishments and teaching experience including text
books (4 copies); 2) Curriculum vitae containing jobs, awards,
scientific and pedagogical publications (4 copies); 3) Copies of
grades, certificates (4 copies); 4) At most 10 publications from the
candidate's list. The publications should be those that the candidate
regards as most important. The publications should be put in 4
parcels, so that they can be directly sent to the members of the
expert selection committee. Members may later require further
publications.  Items of type 1 and 2 should be sent in before deadline
for applications. If items 3 and 4 cannot be provided together with
items 1 and 2, they must be sent in within 3 weeks after the deadline,
and a notification of the intent to submit them must be made at the
time of the application.  Further information about the job may be
obtained from associate professor Sven Stromqvist, e-mail:
sven@ling.gu.se.
  The application should be addressed to the Vice Chancellor 
of the University of Goteborg, contain the above given reference 
number and have reached the registrar of the University of Goteborg, 
Vasaparken, 411 24 Goteborg no later than February 4, 1994.
DEADLINE OF APPLICATION: the application should have reached 
the registrar no later than February 4, 1994.

-- UNIVERSITY OF THE WITWATERSRAND: The Department of Linguistics at
the University of the Witwatersrand, Johannesburg, South Africa,
announces a position for a lecturer in sociolinguistics and phonology.
The Ph.D. should have been awarded or close to completion.  Duties
will involve undergraduate teaching, postgraduate supervision,
research and a contribution to administration.  This position is
permanent but contract appointments will be considered.  Commencement
July 1994 or sooner.  Deadline for applications is 31st January 1994.
Letters of application should outline the candidate's research
interests and teaching experience, and include a CV with names,
addresses (e-mail and regular), phone and fax numbers of three
referees and should be sent to 
	The Personel Office
	University of the Witwatersrand
	Private Bag 3
	Wits 2050 SOUTH AFRICA
	fax: 21-11/716-8030
        email: 104trail@witsvma.wits.ac.za

-- MEMORIAL UNIVERSITY OF NEWFOUNDLAND: The Linguistics Department,
Memorial University of Newfoundland, is seeking to make a tenure-track
appointment in theoretical linguistics at the rank of Assistant or
Associate Professor, effective 1 September 1994.  Qualifications:
Ph.D., a strong record of research publications and demonstrated
record of effective teaching.  The department is particularly
interested in applications from candidates with research interests and
accomplishments in phonology or syntax.  Deadline for receipt of
applications: March 1 1994.  A letter of application, CV, supporting
documents, and three letters from referees should be sent to
	Dr. J. Black, Head
	Department of Linguistics
	Memorial University of Newfoundland
	St. John's, NF 
	A1B 3X9 Canada

(REDUNDANCY NOTICE: For fuller listings of these and other jobs, don't
forget to check the Jobs binder in the Greenberg Room, and the file
'jobslist.txt' on the CSLI directory /user/linguistics.)

		      -\-\-\ INSTA-PRIZE /-/-/-

FLEXIBILITY OF THINKING: Each problem is an equasion which can be
solved by substituting each letter with the appropriate word beginning
with that letter.  First entry with all correct answers (or entry with
most correct answers) wins the first insta-prize of 1994.
Example: 3F = 1Y. [3 Feet = 1 Yard.]

1) H. H. and M. H. at 12 = N. or M.
2) '1 B. in the H. = 2 in the B.'
3) N.+V.+P.+A.+A.+C.+P.+I. = P. of S.
4) Y. - S. - S. - A. = W.
5) 'N. N. = G. N.'
6) 8 D. - 24 H. = 1 W.

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  		   -\-\-\ CONSERVE DISK SPACE /-/-/-

So you may delete your copy after you've read it (or better yet,
before you've read it), the Sesquipedalian Weekly Herald is stored
online both at Stanford (in directory /user/linguistics/Sesquip), and
at Berkeley (in the directory /usr/pub.)  The most current issue of
the Herald can be found by typing 'help quip'.

Neither Stanford University nor the Linguistics Department, nor any of
their employees, makes any warranty, whatsoever, implied, or assumes
any legal liability or responsibility regarding any information
disclosed in this publication, or represents that its use would not
infringe privately owned rights.  No specific reference constitutes or
implies endorsement, recommendation, or favoring by Stanford
University or the Linguistics Department, or their employees.  The
views and opinions expressed herein do not necessarily reflect those
of Stanford University or the Linguistics Department, or their
employees, and shall not be used for advertising or product
endorsement purposes.

Batteries not included

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