COMMUNITY RHETORICS:
What exactly is the role of a parent? In most cultures, including American culture, a parent is generally seen as a child's greatest supporter and role model. Chinese culture further stresses the importance of a parent being willing to sacrifice everything for a child, including his or her own comforts and desires. As a Chinese American, I not only grew up around these ideals of parenthood, but my mom and dad also reaffirmed these images of a parent. I have never once doubted that my parents would do everything in their power to ensure that I receive all the opportunities the world may offer. In addition, I greatly respect both of my parents and view them as my role models. This led to my belief that every child needs an encouraging parent to provide a positive example.
Then came the summer before my freshman year of college&emdash;a summer consisting of two starkly different experiences. Immediately following my high school graduation, I flew to the US Air Force Academy for the National Chemistry Olympiad training camp. After two weeks of training and testing, the twenty students at the camp attended a banquet where the four members of the International Chemistry Olympiad team were revealed. When I called home and told my mom that I had made the team, I was startled by my mom's deafening shriek of delight and my dad's booming congratulations in the background. I had never heard my parents so excited before. My goal was to win a gold medal at the International Olympiad, so on the morning I left for the Netherlands, my dad prepared a "gold" breakfast for me, consisting of pancakes, syrup, eggs, and a banana. After the Olympiad, as I walked off the plane with my gold medal, my parents greeted me with hugs, kisses, and a bouquet of congratulations balloons. This experience further strengthened my view of the impact of supportive parents.
After returning from the Netherlands, I embarked on a job hunt so that I could make some extra money during the remaining two months of my break. Following a series of rejections from various restaurants, I resigned myself to the idea of working at Braum's, a local ice cream and dairy store that also served fast food. I expected to scoop ice cream, flip burgers, and meet a few people. I had no idea that I would be entering what Mary Louise Pratt defines in her essay "Arts of the Contact Zone" as "the contact zone," or "social spaces where cultures meet, clash, and grapple with each otherŠ"(607). Little did I know that during these next two months, my perspective on life would be drastically reshaped through a friendship with a sixteen-year-old co-worker from an entirely different world than my own.
My first impression of Andy on the day that I turned in my application was that he seemed friendly enough, but his movements were somewhat lethargic. However, after working with him for a while, I learned that buried beneath this apparent "laziness"&emdash;which he himself often joked about&emdash;was a steady and reliable worker. But more importantly, I learned that Andy was a great guy who had a tremendous sense of humor; I discovered a wonderful friend. I remember the countless times Andy would do something silly to cheer up one of his co-workers. Andy's loyalty became especially apparent to me in one particular incident. The manager had hired a new girl named Katie, and I was helping to train her. At one point, when Katie was standing near me, I turned toward a customer to let him know that a regular root beer float comes with only one scoop of ice cream. Apparently, Katie interpreted this as my yelling at her to use only one scoop. However, she did not talk to me about it. Instead, she complained to Andy about how I was so mean to her and would not stop yelling at her. When Andy told me about this later on, he added that he stood up for me, saying to Katie, "I've only known Helen for two weeks, but I have never once heard her say something rude to anyone. It must be some kind of misunderstanding." This incident was just one of many that showed me Andy's qualities as a friend and as a person.
As I got to know Andy better, I never questioned my assumption that he must come from a strong, healthy family. How else could he have learned to build such great relationships? So you could imagine my surprise when I learned about Andy's traumatic family life. One day during my break, Jorge, the assistant manager, was talking to me and asked me if I knew about Andy's dad. I said I didn't, so he proceeded to tell me about an incident that had occurred at Braum's only a few months before I began working there.
"Andy's dad had beaten him, so he tried to run away from home. But then, when his dad found out, he called the cops. So his dad came here with the cops since Andy was working. Andy asked the cop if he could arrest him outside in the parking lot, but the cop wouldn't do it. So he just arrested Andy in the store, in front of everyone&emdash;all the customers and everyone working here."
I was completely shocked after hearing the story, but that was not all. I also learned that Andy never saw his paychecks because they went straight to his unemployed father, who used them to support the family. His father also checked up on Andy at work and requested for him to get more hours. As a result, Andy went straight from school to Braum's and was forced to do his homework during his breaks. Meanwhile, his stepmother played a passive role in the family; she either refused to acknowledge that her husband was exploiting and abusing Andy or simply refused to do anything about it.
After learning all of this, I began to reflect on whether or not there was any trace of anger or bitterness in Andy's behavior. I failed to detect even the slightest bit of resentment, and I was shocked. How could someone with parents like Andy's maintain such a positive outlook on life? Further, how could someone lacking their parents as role models develop the characteristics of an amazing guy like Andy? I was baffled, and as a result, I was forced to redefine my view of the role of parents. I realized that although I was blessed with loving, supportive parents, someone without such parents is still able to develop a healthy, positive character. First this showed me some of my own biases. The "highly asymmetrical relations of power" in most contact zones, as described by Pratt, were most definitely present in the contact zone between Andy and me in that he came from a much more disadvantaged home-life (607). As a result of the huge contrast between our experiences, at first I was tempted to look at Andy with sheer pity and categorize him as just another one of those poor, unfortunate souls. But as I continued to get to know him, I realized that there was more to him than his family situation. Andy was a strong guy who did not need or want any of my pity. Second, the collapse of my image of parents forced me to examine where Andy received his strength.
Andy was extremely passionate about art. He was always working on his drawings whenever business was slow, and he told me about how he was working on his portfolio to apply to the Chicago Institute of Art. To Andy, art was not just a means to express himself, but it was also his dream for his future. Additionally, when we were closing the store at night, Andy would rap over the microphone about his feelings and problems. Although he never rapped about his father directly, he used rap as an outlet for his anger and frustration concerning the minor injustices of life. While writing was a means for Willie Jordan to express his frustration and anger in June Jordan's "Nobody Mean More to Me Than You and the Future Life of Willie Jordan," art and rap were an outlet for Andy. Andy used art and rap to "catch up with himself, entirely, and talk back to the world" (Jordan 110).
Even more importantly, Andy had his community to support him. I remember the countless times his friends would drop by the store to visit him. They ranged from his friends at school all the way to an elderly regular customer named Wayne. Furthermore, because he spent so much time at work, Andy's co-workers became a second family for him. Just as Willie Jordan's schoolmates supported and empathized with him after the murder of his brother (Jordan 116), Andy's co-workers supported him in his situation with his father. We would try our best to empathize with Andy whenever he would express his frustration towards his father. As one of his co-workers, I developed a close friendship with Andy. Not only did Andy and I get to know each other at work, but we also talked whenever I gave him rides home. Before I left for college, Andy wrote me a note that mentioned how my work ethic had inspired him to work harder. I was truly touched, and looking back, I now realize that although I had grown up with my parents as my greatest influence, the main source of influence for someone like Andy may be his community outside of his family.
Through my experiences with Andy, I have reached a deeper understanding of my personal beliefs and have also broadened my understanding of where a person may find support and role models. I have realized personally how lucky I am to have such wonderful parents, but also that this doesn't prevent me from being able to relate to someone with a different family situation. Also, my friendship with Andy has helped me see that there are many places where adolescents may find encouragement and mentors, outside of their family. I have realized that although for me, my parents are my largest influence, others may find people outside of their family to be their greatest influence. In the contact zone between Andy and me, despite our differences, I was able to come to a better understanding of both Andy and myself. I truly experienced the "exhilarating moments of wonder and revelation, mutual understanding, and new wisdom&emdash;the joys of the contact zone" (Pratt 618).
Jordan, June. "Nobody Mean More to Me Than You and the Future Life of Willie Jordan." Writing for Real. (course reader for "Writing for Real"). Ed. Carolyn Ross. Stanford Bookstore: Stanford, CA. 2002. 107-118.
Pratt, Mary Louise. "Arts of the Contact Zone." Writing for Real. (course reader for "Writing for Real"). Ed. Carolyn Ross. Stanford Bookstore: Stanford, CA. 2002. 604-623.