The Art of the Audio Essay
PWR 2 Fall Quarter 2007
Jonah G. Willihnganz
Stanford University

Principles of Clarity and Cohesion (adapted from Joseph Williams)

I. Clarity

Revising for clarity. Often authors achieve clarity by applying both of the following principles:

         (1) Transform abstract nouns into active verbs (transfer the main meaning of sentences into the verbs— "de-nominalize" sentences)

         (2) Give missing characters names and make those characters the subject of sentences when possible

1A

Because we knew nothing about local conditions, we could not determine how effectively the committee had allocated funds to areas that most needed assistance.

1B

Our lack of knowledge about local conditions precluded determination of committee action effectiveness in fund allocation to those areas in greatest need of assistance.

2A

Despite his knowledge of the need by cities for new revenues for the improvement of their schools, the Governor executed a veto of the budget bill to give encouragement to the cities for an increase of local taxes.

II. Cohesion

Revising for cohesion. Often authors achieve cohesion in a paragraph by applying one or both of the following principles:

         (1) Put in subject slot of sentences ideas already mentioned in prior sentences (usually their predicates) creating an "old" to "new" flow of information

         (2) Devise sentences whose subjects create a topic string —i.e., sentences begin with roughly the same topic

3A

Asian competitors who have sought to compete directly with AcmeÕs X-line product groups in each of six market segments in the Western pacific region will constitute the main objective of the first phase of this study. The labor costs of AcmeÕs competitors and their ability to introduce new products quickly define the issue we will examine in detail in each segment. A plan that will show Acme how to restructure its diverse and widespread facilities so that it can better exploit unexpected opportunities, particularly in the market on the pacific Rim, should result.

3B

The first phase of this study will mainly examine six market segments in the Western Pacific region to determine how Asian competitors have sought to compete directly with AcmeÕs X-line product groups. In each segment, the study will examine in detail the labor costs and their ability to introduce new products quickly. The result will be a plan that will show Acme how to restructure its diverse and widespread facilities so that it can better exploit unexpected opportunities, particularly in the market on the Pacific Rim.