Given the recent success of the Sesquipedalian's pioneering coverage of Finnish
humor, it has been brought to our
attention by the AJC, the UJA, the RJC, the IDF, and various other organizations
who apparently monitor closely the political content of this publication, that
it behooves us to give equal time to this
more traditional category of ethnic humor...
Sayings of the Jewish Buddha
(aka: Our Favorite Zen Cohens
- If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?
- Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated?
- Drink tea and nourish life; with the first sip, joy; with the second sip, satisfaction; with the third sip, peace; with the fourth, a Danish.
- Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.
- Accept misfortune as a blessing. Do not wish for perfect health, or a life without problems. What would you talk about?
- The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single Oy.
- There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that?
- Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkis.
- The Tao does not speak. The Tao does not blame. The Tao does not have expectations. The Tao demands nothing of others. The Tao is not Jewish.
- Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Forget this
and attaining Enlightenment will be the least of your problems. Let
your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as a wooded
glen. And sit up straight. You'll never meet the Buddha with such
- Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers. Each flower blossoms ten thousand times. Each blossom has ten thousand petals. (You might want to see a specialist.)
- The Torah says, Love your neighbor as yourself. The Buddha says, There is no self. So, maybe we're off the hook.
During a service at an old synagogue in Eastern Europe, when the Shema
prayer was said, half the congregants stood up and half remained
sitting. The half that was seated started yelling at those standing to
sit down, and the ones standing yelled at the ones sitting to stand up.
The rabbi, learned as he was in the Law and commentaries, didn't know
what to do. His congregation suggested that he consult a housebound 98
year old man who was one of the original founders of their temple.
The rabbi hoped The elderly man would be able to tell him what the
actual temple tradition was, so he went to the nursing home with a
representative of each faction of the congregation.
The one whose followers stood during Shema said to the old man, 'Is the
tradition to stand during this prayer?'
The old man answered, 'No, that is not the tradition.'
The one whose followers sat said, 'Then the tradition is to sit during
Shema!' The old man answered, 'No, that is not the tradition.'
Then the rabbi said to the old man, 'But the congregants fight all the
time, yelling at each other about whether they should sit or stand.'
The old man interrupted, exclaiming, 'THAT is the tradition!'
For events farther in the future consult the Upcoming Events Page
FRIDAY, 13 FEBRUARY
SATURDAY-MONDAY, 14-16 FEBRUARY
Martijn Goudbeek, Anne Cutler, Roel Smits
Supervised and unsupervised learning of multidimensionally varying non-native speech categories. Speech Communication (2008)
12:00pm, ExL Lab
All students and faculty welcome
3:30pm, MJH 126
Special Valentine's Day Social
5:00pm, the lounge
SATURDAY, 14 FEBRUARY
all day, 371 Dwinelle Hall, UC Berkeley
MONDAY, 16 FEBRUARY
A celebration of Jean-Claude Risset's 70th birthday.
Performers: Jean-Claude Risset and violinist Mari Kimura.
Works by Risset, Kimura, Bach and Nancarrow
8:00pm, CCRMA Stage, The Knoll, Free Admission
TUESDAY, 17 FEBRUARY
THURSDAY, 19 FEBRUARY
FRIDAY, 20 FEBRUARY
MONDAY, 23 FEBRUARY
No classes! Go to BLS! Hit the beach! :-)
Announcing an all day conference on March 7 at CSLI (Cordura 100):
Stephanie Shih, Jason Grafmiller, Richard Futrell, and Joan Bresnan
"Rhythm's Role in Genitive and Dative Construction Choice in Spoken English"
4:00pm, Chair's Office
Spatial Relations: An Interdisciplinary Perspective
List of speakers / titles:
UPCOMING EVENTS (always under construction)
LINGUISTIC DEPARTMENT EVENTS PAGE
Got broader interests? The New Sesquipedalian recommends reading, or even
subscribing, to the CSLI Calendar, available HERE.
WHAT'S HAPPENING AT UC SANTA CRUZ?
- James Pustejovsky (Brandeis / Computer Science)
Spatiotemporal Properties of Motion in Language
- Max J. Egenhofer (University of Maine / Spatial Information Science and Engineering)
- Mark Gawron (San Diego State / Linguistics)
Verbs and Axes
- Darko Sarenac (Colorado State / Philosophy)
Is S4 Complete over the Coast of Britain?
- Herbert H. Clark (Stanford / Psychology) and Leila A. Takayama (NRC)
Displaced Places in Communication
- Annie Zaenen, Daniel G. Bobrow, Cleo Condoravdi (PARC), and Elizabeth Coppock (CYC)
- Rusty Bobrow (BBN)
- Beth Driver (NGA)
WHAT'S GOING ON AT UC BERKELEY?
The Stanford Blood Center
is reporting a shortage of types
O+, O-, A-. For
an appointment, visit http://bloodcenter.stanford.edu/
or call 650-723-7831.
It only takes an hour of your time and you get free cookies. And the Blood Center recently got a new bloodmobile. Check it out